The State of Women in India

Every year there are certain schemes for the women in India.....either through annual budgets, or through seat reservations, and the respective government claims that it has done enough for uplifting the status of women in India. We have every government reserving some of its ministerial berths for women, we have some 20-odd percent academic reservations for women. But, the bottom-line is....does this help? Does this help in eradicating a mentality that is existing, not only in Indian men, but also in her people overall?
There is a very touching life-story of the great singer Padmavibhushan Dr. Gangubai Hangal, who passed away just last year. In her childhood and teen-age years, she was literally taunted by those 'men' as 'gaanewali-bai'. These men used to make life difficult for her, as her simple walk on a road elicited a response from them. The only objection for these men was that she, being a woman, was singing. But then, what if a woman sings? It is an accepted fact that singing is a medium to express what is in one's mind. But then, why a woman has no right to express what is in her mind. Perhaps, that is the reason Indian women are tolerant.....because they have not been allowed to express anything over the years. Dr. Hangal then says that, in the world of music...if men excel...they are designated as Pandits and Ustads.....but what about women? They are simply called....'bai'....like Hirabai, Gangubai and Kesarbai. Yes, this is what is Indian culture with all its 5000-years history. Even, in the famous Maharashtrian musical drama tradition, there were no female performers, till perhaps 60-odd years from now. Men used to do the roles of women. Why? It seems unimaginable, sitting here in the United States, with confident women around you, that in my country, women were not allowed to socialize! It was the time when Barbara McClintock was busy discovering about jumping genes, Indian women, were not allowed to freely participate in activities. This was the state of women in India that time.

But has it changed? We are in the 21st century now. But the significance of the 21st century seems to be for a selected few of the country. Overall, regarding the attitude towards women in India, little seems to have changed. From over-cautious parents, to hyper-possessive boyfriends and from restrictive in-laws, to dominating husbands...a girl has to bear this all. Only in these cases, a small cry from her child, is what holds her back...and she has to bear this all her life. Does she not think sometimes that....let everything of this go to hell....I want to live my own life! A life on my own terms! With nobody telling me anything......of how should I behave...how should I dress...how should I talk....to whom should I talk...where should I work...what should I not do.....but...then there is something called society which asks the same questions to her! The society is choosy enough not to ask these questions to him... but only to her! He is not the one who is under the scanner, but she always is! Frankly, Indian society has a very possessive feeling about its women...a feeling that goes to the extent of not allowing her to work on her own terms. This is the case...yes...in the 21st century!
I have seen this....men laughing at the site of a girl driving a car. Why can't they digest the site of a girl confidently doing something! A girl, doing something confidently in India...whether its answering any question, whether driving a car...or simply voicing her opinion...becomes a scene for a suppressed laughter among the men! There is a tendency of people talking..."despite being a girl, she did this...she did that!" But why this despite? This statement itself states that you have an inherent low confidence for the woman. I have never seen this sort of an attitude towards women in the United States. For people, who see this as an innocent opinion-formation....let me make it clear. I am in no mood to state that there is no male -domination here. Males do dominate. But, here, there is no existence of an attitude of under-estimating a person, because she is a woman! Here, a woman is free to decide her own terms. Men are gentle enough to allow a woman get into a public transport bus...but I have seen people cramming inside a public transport bus in India...with no care about the women around. If these men are not gentle at these instances, how in the world will we justify the term gentlemen?

In how many families, a girl is treated equally like a boy? A boy is asked to marry at an age of 25, or sometimes even more than that. However, in most of the families, a girl is asked to marry at an age of 20-21. Why is she then not asked whether she has to continue her education? Is graduation only a last step for the girl to study? I have come across one such family, where a girl though elder had to walk to her office, whereas the boy, who had just passed his standard tenth examination, had a right to a motorcycle!
In the society too, the scenario is not different. I have seen people referring to Indira Gandhi's tenure as a Prime Minister, as " Bai phaar kadak hoti"( The woman was very severe)....I mean I have never heard people say the same thing about a guy holding a position. I have seen on the television, Balasaheb Thakre saying" Congress-wale bai chya maage maage phirtat" ( The people of congress are always following that lady)....I have never seen such a reference to a guy....then are you not secretly not accepting the fact that a lady can't be on a top position? I have heard of conflicts in the family, egos getting hurt when the wife earns more than the husband. People around are found commenting that the guy is living on the girl's salary. We are too happy to accept the fact that a girl lives on the guy's salary....but then why is the reverse not true? In some cases, the girl is even forced to leave the job..and this happens in civilized families too! If this is the case, can we trust the fact that the mentality regarding women in the Indian society has changed?
The mentality towards women worsens if a marriage fails and there results in a divorce. Instead of making a woman stand on her feet, the society is always to demoralize her....always asking her in a sarcastic manner...how will she survive without her husband? If a husband can survive after a divorce, why does not our society encourage a woman to stand on her own feet? If a man can lead a life alone, a woman also should be able to do that? In most of the cases, a woman has to suffer from the hands of her in-laws...but the girl's family gulps it in dismay, because if this would result in a divorce the girl has to lead a lonely life!
I have to mention one more example of this deeply-rooted problem. This example is the one which I have experienced closely! In Maharashtrian families there is a custom of 'haldi-kunku'...where all the women assemble at one place( the host-woman's home ) and apply haldi and kunku on the forehead of all the women present. My mother and grandmother were invited to all such ceremonies. But, when my grandfather expired, invitations to my grandmother for such functions stopped! Why? Because she is a widow? She has no right to socialize? Is this not blatant discrimination? My grandmother...who never discriminated between me and my cousin sister, even for equally dividing a glass of sherbet....has to see this day? This is the most unfortunate thing to happen. So, are not the women, in these cases, showing their backward attitude towards themselves? This makes us feel that this problem is deeply rooted in the psyche of everybody!

And why only the adults? Are we the youngsters not thinking the same way? If we see a couple around us, we immediately gossip about the girl....but do we care to gossip about the guy? If it results in a breakup of them, we are looking with suspicious eyes towards the girl...whereas the guy is again assimilated in his friends! The girl, in most of the cases becomes an out-caste! The bottom-line is that, we all are too partial in our attitude....we tend to blame the girl and never the guy! This results in the making of careless guys, taking advantage of the girls....because they feel, that whatever they do, they are superior...and the society is with them!
This mentality can be eradicated from the society, only and only if the following situation is handled according to the girl's wishes:
A girl is getting married. Both families have decided for the date. Both are having good jobs. Suddenly, the girl's company gives her an offer to work in the United States. It is a very good opportunity for the girl to excel in her respective field. The girl's family is keen that their daughter should go for it. When asked to the guy's family...they happily exclaim...and allow the girl to catch her dreams. What if a similar situation had occurred in the guy's life? He would be allowed, isn't it?